Everyday I ask myself, “what the FUCK is wrong with me?” Because this isn’t me. Or maybe it is. Things got a little bit crazy.
I haven’t been myself for 10 years, but I don’t remember being this out of control pre-medication.
The panic attacks, the lack of impulse control, letting myself give into things I know are wrong. I get too comfortable too easily, and then stepping out of that comfort zone is just too terrifying. I want to go to sleep every night knowing that things will not have changed when I wake up in the morning.
But they need to change, because this isn’t how to live. They’re all just symptoms of something bigger, something I need to face.