Holiday Blues and a premature 2016 wrap up

Well, 2016. You’ve been quite a trip. Every year brings new surprises both good and bad, but at least I can say that I crossed off some of my 2016 goals. And then dealt with some unexpected things as well. Wanna hear them? Too bad. Here they are.

  • I moved to Colorado
  • I FINALLY GRADUATED COLLEGE (But where is my diploma, UMBC?)
  • I climbed one of the mountains on the east coast that I had been meaning to do for years (damn, Great Sage peeps, we really killed it despite we almost killed eachother)
  • I realized my bachelor’s degree means nothing
  • This is the first time I will not work Christmas Eve in 8 years (EIGHT YEARS MAN IT’S WEIRD)
  • This is the first time I’ve been completely unemployed….. *enter some type of emoji*
  • I went to my first music festival
  • I completely emerged myself into a new hobby (hooping and the flow arts)
  • I started a blog. An actual blog that isn’t tumblr.
  • I let 2 pet rats die, then managed to get 2 new rats who get along perfectly in the same cage
  • I realized what emotional abuse really means
  • I’m still an alcoholic. Probably not gonna make a new years resolution about that part.

So there’s a lot of good and a lot of bad, but that’s every year. All years have their ups and downs. Shout out to the people who keep posting about I CAN’T WAIT TIL 2016 ENDS? You said the same thing for 2015…and 2014…and every single year before that.  Look guys, not every year is going to be perfect. Good things happen. Bad things happen. Granted, we lost David Bowie and Alan Rickman, but didn’t we lose Bill Murray in 2015? Yeah. Shit happens. Every year. There are no perfect years. So please please please stop complaining about how 2016 was so shitty when apparently 2015 and 2014 and 2013 were shitty too. But good luck to ya’ll.

Hopefully a lot of good things will happen in 2017. D graduates in 2017 so that’s pretty cool (that kid is too smart for his own good). And I’m going to do my first 14er this summer too (that’s more like a resolution I think). Good things await, and a lot of heartbreak as well, I’m sure.

But now let’s talk about the “holiday blues”: it is so real this year. I’ve never liked Christmas and everyone always asks me why. Well, okay, here’s why.

My sophomore year of high school, my dad hospitalized me 2 days before Christmas due to the amount that I was cutting myself. I went to my usual therapy appointment the day that school was let out for break, and that therapy appointment turned out to be a trick into taking me to the hospital that I was not informed of. I was almost stuck in a mental institution for Christmas. It was a very bitter Christmas. I haven’t liked Christmas since.

Every year, my Jewish family is VERY adamant about celebrating Christmas together and getting each other gifts. It’s pretty annoying considering that I really don’t like having anything to do with my dad’s side of the family and have been forced to celebrate Christmas against my will my entire life. For real though, it’s like, a big deal to celebrate Christmas together. They’re Jewish. I don’t understand. Christmas at home is usually followed up the next day by a 10 hour drive up to Massachusetts to see my dad’s family and it takes several bottles of wine to get through those few days.

It usually goes something like this:

“How’s school?” “How are your roommates?” “WHAT IS YOUR LIFE PLAN????”

Please. Please stop. Please just kill me.

Me: “Everything sucks and I’m slowly dying. Thanks for asking.”

At least last Christmas, I spent Christmas eve with Sociopath and we got each other really nice presents (I wonder if he actually finished that $90 bottle of scotch) and he even got me the tickets to go to Firefly which I know cost him a lot of money. Oh, and my mom got me my first smartphone so it was a pretty decent Christmas day considering I spent the entire day pretty wine drunk with my cat.

 

But this is my first Christmas that I will be completely alone. As much as I hate Christmas, being alone on Christmas day is going to be pretty depressing. It’ll just be like every other day of the week except that my mom and dad apparently sent me some presents despite that I didn’t get them anything. So, what am I doing for Christmas?

Ordering pizza and getting drunk off of cheap wine while I tear open presents by myself and don’t have to thank anyone on the spot. Doesn’t sound too bad, right? If the weather isn’t awful, then I’ll probably go up to Horsetooth with a flask (jk, I don’t own a flask. But a bottle of wine or a 6 pack will do). Maybe even just go to city park and ponder my life by the lake with my journal and a hoop.

Yeah, I wish that someone was around that I could hang out with, but having the apartment to myself and enjoying the holidays without the pressure of dealing with family will be pretty nice.

Well, that’s all I really got for right now. Stay tuned for a probably really plastered post on Christmas wishing everyone to fa-la-la-la-la go fuck yourselves.

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