So I’ve had this blog for how long now? I think it started off so well because I can be hilarious. Obviously. And then recently I read through a bunch of my posts from the past couple months and I realized, goddamn this is depressing to read. Like who REALLY wants to read this? There’s a time and place for a depressing blog post (like when you realize you were dating a sociopath, see that post here. *I’ll never stop reposting that one because it’s one of my most important ones, despite the lack of any type of humor).
Ok so let’s talk about adulting. Or is that depressing too? I mean if you kick ass at it like I am**then yeah it’s not so depressing. I’m responsible, totally. I’ve been applying for jobs that aren’t in the food industry, I’ve been going to the bank regularly, getting repairs done on my car, writing grocery lists, setting a budget, etc etc. I even pay my rent and utilities on time now. THIS IS HUGE.
I say all this as I’m sitting in bed at 1pm on a Monday with an unexplained sprained wrist, a broken e-cig, and still trying to piece together last night. Also, apparently I have the capacity to flip a desk. I guess that desk was in my way so I guess that seemed logical. Cats are kind of the same way. Sorry for destroying your everything, Logan. I’m awesome at first impressions.***
But honestly? I don’t really want to be a REAL adult yet. I see all these people on facebook who got into the master’s or Ph.D program they wanted, getting nice salaried jobs with benefits, getting married, having kids and I’m just here like, well, maybe I’ll meet a nice guy at some point and I really want to get a cat. I actually feel bad for these people. I’ll be 23 next week and that still sounds young to me. 30 is an adult. I still got 7 years of not being a real adult so why should I try to be one? And why is it looked down on if you don’t want to grow up right away? Adults are miserable people. They’re this black corporate hole of bills, debt and credit score. Can I just say, “fuck that shit”?
People keep asking me why I moved out to Colorado and the most honest answer I gave was last night:
“Dude, I just wanna drink beer, smoke weed, and hike a lot of mountains.”
Drunk Emily is the most honest Emily. And yeah, that’s totally true. I really don’t have an actual plan to go back to school or advance my career anytime soon. My favorite moments I’ve had so far in Colorado have been sitting on the summit of a mountain or near some beautiful mountain ponds drinking a beer and enjoying the scenery. I like embracing all of my emotions and my personalities. Re-learning vulnerability. Re-learning how to live again after 22 years of being a prisoner of myself. Accepting that my demons are gonna stick around for a while and that it’s totally okay to go back to therapy. Going out and hooping for an hour instead of doing some household stuff.
I’m in no hurry to grow up. Mature? Sure. I’m kind of tired of spraining my wrists and having unexplainable scratches and mystery bruises.****I don’t want an adult job. I don’t want to drive a nice car.
I just want to coast.
*THATS SUCH A COOL FEATURE, WORDPRESS. I FEEL LIKE A REAL BLOGGER NOW.
**because shoving Cheba Hut in your face while you’re drunk at 2am and receiving an email for an adult job offer is definitely adulting. Adults don’t sleep and they get professional emails and I think it was very responsible of me to remember to check my email.
***5 high ABV beers later, apparently I am a complete psycho. Guys dig crazy chicks, right?
****For real, don’t drink and bike. Or drink and sleep. Did I mention that I drunkenly rolled out of my bed and my neck landed on the corner of my desk? I’m not even safe in my own bed apparently.