Hey guys, it’s been a while. Over a month actually. I’ve been kind of avoiding doing this because my complete lack of creativity and humor is not exactly great for writing a post that people want to read.
But can we go back to that “post college depression” thing? Yeah, it’s getting more real. I finally got approved to graduate and it was one of the most anticlimactic things I’ve heard in my life. 5 years of blood, sweat and tears (mostly tears) and here’s an email saying “hey, you did it, good luck with getting a job with your degree that means absolutely nothing.” Let’s face it: you can’t do squat with a B.A. in Psychology. Congratulations, you know how to read articles and write papers.
Now everything is just a blur. Days pass and if I did something mildly productive or anything that got me out of the house or out of bed at a reasonable hour, that’s a damn good day. And yeah, sure, Colorado is pretty cool. Looking forward to a hiking trip at this point is kind of the only thing I have to look forward to. Going to the grocery store is fun too.. and going to the gym? Productive adult things are pretty lame, aren’t they? I even applied for 5 adult jobs and that was too much so I ended up watching cartoons on Netflix for the rest of the day. I mean, I have a job, but it all seems so pointless in the end when you realize that you really don’t want to wait tables for the rest of your life. And then you also realize that you don’t want to be living with random roommates for the rest of your life either because the passive aggressiveness of under 20 year old college girls is vicious I tell you. I’m at the point where I put the “do not disturb” mode on my phone for when my roommates text me. I don’t really care that someone (that someone being me and of course I didn’t confess) left a banana out on the counter for 15 minutes. And I thought I was always the clean one in whatever house I was living in. Basically, I’m not allowed to live in my own apartment.
So with this all hating my job and my roommates, and starting to question why the f**k I came out to Colorado, I finally broke down and made an appointment with a therapist. Going off of this, can we just talk for a minute how hard it is to find a therapist in Colorado? Some of the happiest people live here so why would anyone seek therapy? And of course, why should your insurance cover it? I just spent the past hour on the Cigna website trying to find a therapist that took my insurance and looked semi-credible. Really, America, get your shit together when it comes to mental health and insurance. Not all of us have $120 a week to spend on a therapist.
And of course, with all of this there comes way too much time to think. Thinking to the point that it starts popping up in your dreams and nightmares again. Mostly nightmares. And night terrors. Thanks, Sociopath, for still haunting my dreams and making me wake up in the middle of the night in a cold sweat and panicking.
Being in your 20s is hard. Being a college graduate with no affiliated job is beyond annoying. Facing your demons in the real world by yourself is excruciatingly painful. I guess that’s what most people call an “adult.” I mean, some days are great. I make plans with all of the people I know (which is like, 4) and I treat myself well and I get outside and love the smell of this beautiful Colorado air. Other days, I sit inside staring at Facebook until it’s time to go to work and question why I’m here.
Back to picking cactus needles out of my fingers from being a dummy while hiking.