that time I watched Taylor Swift videos instead of studying

Honestly, I’m kind of upset that Taylor Swift doesn’t allow Spotify to use her music. It would make this whole Taylor Swift binge much easier instead of having to listen to ads on YouTube ever 4 minutes. Wait, that was a terrible beginning to a post. And not even the point. I should be studying for the 3 exams I have over the next 2 days but instead I’m eating sweet potato fries out of the pan because I was too lazy to get a plate and I’m jamming to T-Swizzle.

Also apparently I took a picture of myself in the ambulance. Fasten your feet for a bumpy ride!
IMG_0563

I know I know I haven’t posted in a while. Ok like 5 days but THATS A LOT FOR ME. I’ve also officially been sober for a week. Correlation or…? -hold that thought while I devour these fries because I can’t multitask..Ok back to this-ONE WEEK OF SOBRIETY THOUGH. That’s the longest I’ve gone in…………????????? Since I turned 21 probably. Which sucks because I have some really nice wine that’s untouched and I would totally drink one glass because it’s $12 wine and not my $4 Three Blind Moose Merlot. $4 wine is okay to drink in one sitting (financially, not okay for your health, I know that), but when you actually spend money on GOOD wine, it’s not okay to drink that all at once.

Depression really sucks. I know I don’t actually have depression and that I’m the biggest hypocrite in the world because I do go through those really awful periods of FEELING depressed but not BEING depressed. (see next post that will probably be called “that time I realized I’m the biggest hypocrite on the internet) But today I was able to say I am happy. Not in a “I had a near death experience and life is beautiful and shouldn’t be taken for granted” kind of way. It was just a moment. I was sitting next to the gross lake at school in the sun just taking in the sunlight, sipping my tea, listening to Summer Vibes by Walk Off the Earth (yes, you should look that up right now. Blob actually has a good taste in music*) and just enjoying this moment I had with myself. I felt confident, sexy (I wore heels for the first time since being discharged from the hospital! And I even whipped out a dress I hadn’t worn in a while and DAMN MY LEGS ACTUALLY LOOK GOOD), and even feeling better about school. So yeah, I kinda felt like a bad bitch and hence why I’m now listening to Taylor Swift because darling, I’m a nightmare dressed like a daydream (that actually might be accurate).

But today, I felt ok. That’s really weird considering how stressed out I should be. I’m ok with that. Ever since I stopped drinking, I’ve been sleeping better and my concentration has been improving slightly (despite probably irrepairable brain damage YES SPELL CHECK THAT IS A WORD). So maybe that’s some incentive to stop drinking. Not to mention I have to save up money to finish every tattoo I want on my body RIGHT NOW (not really, but 2 of them). And maybe I’ll even lose some weight from not consuming 600 calories of red wine every night. Yeah, there’s 600 calories in a bottle of red wine. I almost stopped drinking when I read that, but instead I just cut back my overall calorie intake. That was a mistake. But you know, don’t a lot of “experts” say that drinking a glass or 2 of red wine daily is beneficial to your health? Not that I could actually stick to 1 or 2 glasses, but is this going to negatively impact my health by NOT having wine? This is an actual question and I don’t trust the “experts.” I don’t even trust the doctors who said my blood pressure was back to normal. Or my gyno telling me that the strings of my IUD disappearing is nothing to worry about. I feel like these are all things to be paranoid and have a legitimate concern but I guess no one trusts a hypochondriac either.

Wow and I keep having to keep taking breaks during this post because T-Swift is really the bomb.com. By the way, if you ever type “bomb.com” in a text, it will automatically make it a link. DONT CLICK IT. I totally did. It took me to a site that linked me to virgin hair and indian hair weaves. Indian hair weave I get, but virgin hair? I think I should probably not click on that link, mostly because I don’t want my computer to get a virus and not necessarily because I’m afraid of getting some really weird porn pop up on my screen. I take back what I said about my concentration getting better. Apparently it isn’t considering I’ve jumped around 5 topics in this post. That’s ok. I’m a blogger, not a writer. We’re like, a completely different species because we don’t have editors. Some do. Like Jenny Lawson but really how much does her editor really do other than fix minor errors? I should probably get one of those….sounds expensive.

Someone asked me this week what my “thing” is. I totally realized I don’t have a thing. I guess this blog is one of my “thing”s but what is my purpose? I really don’t want to address that actually. That sounds way too complicated and that would be about a 5,000 word post that no one would actually read. Let’s be real: no one cares about another person’s life purpose. Everyone is existing for themselves. That’s just human nature.

Good things might be starting to happen in my life. Some things are ending (I’m sorry you’re suffering Zeke, please go peacefully and please no one report me to animal control for not taking my dying rat to the vet because he is actually dying and he’s beyond treatable now). But new things are beginning! As they happen, I’m sure I will be nonstop posting about it, not that anyone really cares about my personal life considering that’s not the point of this blog (what is the point anyway?) I am still the same person because as Zach Braff said in one of my favorite movies… (I love ending posts with a quote)

“Let’s just be whatever it is that we are. And everything will be okay.”**

Okay I lied about this post being over. Alice is back. Thank you for coming back Alice. I missed you.

*For some reason, I can never find that perfect song that uplifts me but Blob sends me these random songs I’ve never heard and I’m always like WHY DO I NOT KNOW THIS I HAVE SPOTIFY I HAVE THE MUSIC WORLD LITERALLY AT MY FINGERTIPS. Thanks Blob. You’re the best.

**Garden State. Watch it. Now. No really. Watch it.

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